Thirty days of truth -- Day nine.

Someone you didn't want to let go of, but just drifted away.

It was actually hard for me to think of someone for this! I'm going to have to say my friend Tina. She's a really great person, but we never talk and I'm not really sure what happened. When I first moved into my last foster home (awkward sentence award!), I met Jenn and Tina, sisters who went to the church that my new parents went to. My foster mother (Pam) had warned their mom not to let them hang out with me because I was a "bad influence," but as it turned out, we met and were instant friends. The three of us were nearly inseparable, I spent a lot of nights at their house, and I alternated having them stay at my house. All day we were together and it was just a matter of who was staying the night where. It was sometimes hard to divvy up my time between sisters who were my best friends, but I think I made it work ok. I had a completely different relationship with each girl, but got along great with both of them.

The girls were home-schooled when I met them, but they soon transfered to the school I went to. That made it extra fun because I got to see them during the day and outside of school too. They transfered to the public school later on and Pam suspected that they were both doing drugs and having sex and God knows what else (Pam is intense, and tends to jump to conclusions and assume things without having all of the facts). Needless to say, she banned me from hanging out with either of "those girls." because now THEY were the bad influence..... It was ridiculous, like a lot of her other rules for me, but I obeyed because I was afraid of her. I lost touch with both of them, but never really rekindled the relationship with Tina. Jenn and I met again a couple of years later at a friend's soccer game, and BANG! Back to being BFFs and spending time together whenever possible.

Tina and I never really ran into each other after that.. We didn't have the same friends, and I didn't see her around town. I was in nursing school full time and I honestly didn't even think about looking her up. I found out later that she had moved to Grand Rapids, about four hours from where I lived. After nursing school, when I needed to take my boards to get my license, I had to go to Grand Rapids to take my test. Since I knew she lived there, I looked her up to see if I could stay with her. She said yes, I went and as soon as I got there, it was literally like no time had passed and we were able to pick our relationship up right where it had left off!! It was really great catching up and seeing how things were going in each other's lives.. I only stayed for one night, but we pledged to keep in touch and to not let it be five or six years before we saw each other again.

That was about four years ago and since then, I've seen her about five times. I saw her twice for exams, once for a seminar and her bachelorette party in the same trip, at her wedding, and once for a vacation in Michigan when my plane landed in Grand Rapids and I stayed the night. So five times in four years? Not such a good number, especially when you know that three of those times were back to back in a three month period. I don't like to use people, but it seems like every time I've seen her in the last ten years (other than her wedding) were because I had something going on in Grand Rapids and it was really convenient for me to stay with her. I love her a lot, but the friendship has basically of disintegrated over time.

I wish we were still close, but that's not the way it is. We never call, text or write and I'm not really sure what happened. I've never been good at keeping in touch, and maybe that's the case for her too. I've invited her to come visit whenever she wants to get away, but so far nothing has come of it. I feel bad that I seem to only see her when I have an ulterior motive, but the truth is that I'm trying to sneak in a visit to try and rekindle that relationship whenever I'm in the area. It's not about saving money... I could just as easily stay in a hotel.

I'm getting married soon, and I've invited her to stand in my wedding. Part of me feels obligated since I stood in hers, and part of me hopes it's a way to further try to rekindle this friendship. I miss hanging out with her, and every time we get together it's like no time has passed and we get along perfectly. I just wish there weren't a bazillion miles between us so that we could strengthen our bond, but this is all I can think of for now.